sparkly water review: perrier cucumber and a hint of lime

Nothing but props to Perrier. They’re the Old Guard of unsweetened carbonated beverages; they were one of the first, they are one of the best. They get a lot right, and they keep on trying.

But.

Perrier Cucumber and a hint of lime is…wrong. It’s like your uncle’s bad gas that lingers forever, somehow getting worse over time.

The first taste seems innocent enough, but then suddenly you’re drinking a salad. Images of dandelions and freshly-mown lawns seep into your mind. The taste intensifies. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. And then, I don’t know how they do this marvel of taste engineering, but about three seconds after you’ve swallowed your liquid bite of salad with no dressing, a fresh explosion of cucumber taste and aroma wafts through you, from the roof of your mouth to the base of your spine. You feel so fresh it hurts; it’s an offensive kind of freshness.

I know that cucumber has some uses beyond salad and combat; but “fresh as a cucumber” isn’t a thing. And Perrier seems to be trying to make it a thing. And it shouldn’t be a thing. Please, Perrier, stop this. You do so many things right, but not this. Reconsider your goals, I implore you.

Oh My God…Cucumber And a Hint of Lime

penfold

Name o' Penfold. Just Penfold. A full-time husband, dad, programmer, and nerd, trying to add "writer" to the list.