NO SOLICITING: cranky sumbitch lives here

Between work, family, school, activities, and everything else, I have no time for anything anymore. And a corresponding intolerance for interruption has set in as well.

Today a guy hawking his lawn maintenance business spotted our overgrown grass and decided we might want to hear his pitch.

His first mistake: he asked Katya to speak with the man of the house. Katya caught me in the middle of figuring out a software security issue of some complexity; she told me there was a guy at the door for me, and I asked her to tell him I’m busy, ask what it’s regarding, and if it’s a sales call, to leave materials for me to review. She did, and he made his second mistake, telling her “it’s regarding that I’d like to speak with the man of the house.” Kat got flustered and asked me to come down.

The guy got halfway through his first sentence, indicating that he had a lawn care company and gesturing at the lawn; the implication was perfectly clear: you aren’t keeping your lawn up to expected middle-class standards, you could just pay us to. I resented the implication, I have an abiding Inner Cheap Bastard who would resent paying for a task I could do myself, and I also have a deep abiding hatred for door-to-door salesmen. I also hate interruptions and people who are dicks to me or my family.

And so I got to speak with raised voice to a complete stranger for almost a full minute today. I think he left with a fairly comprehensive understanding of my objections to his current methods and employment. It felt kind of good to unload on him, actually. Cathartic. Becoming a grouchy curmudgeon definitely has its perks. Probably not a good thing to make a habit of, though.

But I have to wonder… would a simple NO SOLICITING sign work, do you think? Or should we get a big effing dog?


Name o' Penfold. Just Penfold. A full-time husband, dad, programmer, and nerd, trying to add "writer" to the list.

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